Lord of the rings: The Parody
by 5kicksass
Summary: One boring night, two friends decided to write an Abridged story of lotr, and insert themselves into the story. Meaning pure chaos and hell for the main characters because they have to deal with their lack of logic and the power of breaking the fourth wall.
1. Intro

Summary: So one day while me and my friend Trisha were re-watching all the Lord of the Ring movies, we decided to instead of sitting quietly and enjoy the movie, to make fun of the whole movie and create one whole parody.

We even crack jokes of Gandalf's death. I know, we are horrible people.

Anyway I suddenly decided to write the whole thing down in one story. Unfortunately the first part on the first movie is lost and there no way I can recreate the whole thing without sitting down with my friend and watching the movie again, but the second part I still have.

So this story begins during the second movie, and it is a self insert abridged parody, with myself, my friend, and Cloud and Zack from final fantasy because Trisha kept begging me to put them in. So because I wont be posting the first part anytime soon, I will just sum up what happened so far.

After Jacqui, Trisha, Zack and Cloud entered this world for unknown reason, they met up with Frodo and Arwen while he was being taken to Rivendell. Later the four joined the fellowship because they knew to much about the ring from over hearing the super, secret meeting and everyone figured they would be dead five minutes into the journey anyway so they would tell no one.

After Gandalf died, Aragon taking over and stealing some boats from some elves in the forest, they rowed down the stream to their next destination. Pulling to the side to take a break, later Frodo left camp to wondered into the woods to ponder. Boromir was also in the woods gathering some fire wood and saw Frodo and decided to approach him.

Frodo then thought Boromir was trying to take the ring for himself, beat him to death with a fluffy bunny that was laying around and ran off. At the same moment orcs decided to attack separating the fellowship. Frodo took a boat during the confusion and tried to flee, but Sam insisted he come along and Jacqui was noticed in the boat half way through the water so was forced to come along.

Pippen and Merry was mistaken for Fordo and was taken hostage, and Cloud was mistaken for a spear and was also taken leaving Aragon, Gimli, Legolust ( as we like to call him) Trisha and Zack to go after them.

And that's where part one ends, and part two begin. Please be nice, and I would be happy to take suggestion to make the story better, and tell me nicely if the story is confusing and hard to follow along and I will fix it.

Please enjoy.


	2. Chapter 1: So it begins

The sun came up, lighting up the land from hours of darkness.

One part of the land, hidden between two cliffs that separated from each other by a nicely used path, ten, fifteen orcs, ready for battle, running down where the path may take them. On three orcs backs, was the main characters. Merry, Pippen, and Cloud.

Bound by the hands, and worn like capes, each one has there own expression on the situation. Pippen looked like he was passed out and his head loosely bounced with each step his orc took, but it clear he faking it because now and then one eye opens to see if any of them are paying attention, or cares.

Merry had a panic expression, looking around like anyone of the orcs could lead out and rip his head off any second. And cloud, well, you know.

The orc that leading them all, and has a boner for Justin Bieber, stopped. Holding a hand up signalling the rest to stop aswell. But one orc didn't noticed and ran into the orc in front of him. While the JB orc was sniffing the air, in the back ground someone hissed, ' sunofabitch.'

" The men! They caught up with us!" He shouted. " Faster!" They ran again, not even faster then they where going before. Meanwhile, Merry was still looking around, but this time he managed to get his hands on a paper bag, inhaling and exhaling in the bag, the wind blew it out of his hands.

" MY BAG!" He cried out in agony.

MEANWHILE somewhere completely different. On a close up on Aragon face, by the tell of the rock type ground, he was laying down. And at first thought you think he was listing to the ground and doing ranger stuff, but looking around him, many, many, MANY beer bottles where scattered all around him, telling a different story of why he was laying down.

And looking more around him, Legolust, and Trisha stood over his unconscious, drunk, passed out corpse-body. Yeah….that's what I meant…..Anyway, Legolust had his face in that palm of his hand, shaking his head, not approving of Aragon condition. Trisha on the other hand was kicking him now and then to see if he really alive.

She kicked him somewhere between gut and spleen, jotting him awake. With a startled like squeak, and same time his whole body twitch at once to make one huge twitch, sending him on meter off the ground. His eye snapped open, looking around to identify his location where he passed out form last night ' FUN '.

" Aragon, you are aware the orcs are getting away." Legolust sighed scraping his hand off his ' beautiful ' elf face.

" YANKY DOODLE WENT TO TOWN RIDING ON A PONY~!" Aragon san swaying back and forth, still intoxicated by the, say, thirty beers he drank. More like inhaled if you ask me, which you didn't.

" He lame, we gotta put him down." Trisha said picking up a rock nearby the size of a baby head, and slammed it on Aragon head. Hitting a nerve and making him jump to his feet.

" LET'S GO!" He declared finally back to normal and started to give chase.

Meanwhile, about a couple meters away, painting and wheezing for air, Zack and Gimli barley managed to stand, much less ran to catch up to the other three. Zack managed to find a long stick and used it to help keep him standing, and Gimli used on hand to lean against Zack while he clutch where his heart is and tried to regain his breath.

" Come Gimli, Zack!" Legolust called running after Aragon and Trisha. Zack started to cry out and forced himself to follow, but doing so, caused Gimli to lose his balance since he was leaning against him. He slowly started to tip, flailing his arms trying to find something to stop his fate.

" OH SNAP!" He yelled out before falling to the ground with a huge " whump "! Dramatic music blasting in the scene, Legolust far in the front, Aragon keeping his pace somewhere feet behind the elf, while Trisha on the other hand had a serious, yet stupid look, riding a rascal with golden string like stuff on the handle bars. And Zack and Gimli where miles(sorta) away, looking just as pathetic as Jacqui.

Legolust stopped at a cliff ledge, staring out in the distance.

" Legolas, what can your elven eye's see?" Aragon called out, stopping a bit from him. Turing the elf scope on, he focused his sight in the distance, past the cliffs, through some tree's. Finally he spotted something. It was two male centaurs playing tonsil hockey with each other.

The pupils of his eye's shrunk, and slowly a mortified look slowly creped on his face the longer he watches them, he was so shock and terrified, the thought of looking away never accrued to him.

" He's lame, we gotta put him down." Trisha said in the back ground, and hurled a rock at the back of Legolust head, making him fall forward and down the cliff. Thankfully there was ground down there, but it had a descent, " I'm going to crush every bone in your body " height.

A funny loony tones whistle echoed as Legolust fell, Aragon and Trisha watching him fall, and following a giant KABOOM! Causing the two to cringe at the sight, and imaging the pain pretty boy just experienced.

After many, many hours of climbing down, Aragon walked to what was left of Leogolus, in a form of a pancake. Meanwhile not to far, something dinged, and part of the cliff parted, like a opening door, and Trisha walked out.

Legolust peeled himself off the floor, while Aragon just noticed the fresh new tracks on the ground. He kneeled on one knee, gazing into your eyes lovingly, pulling out a box at the same time-Wait wrong story. He actually looked serious studying the prints, and picked up a crumpled up paper bag, turning it over, memorizing all the crinkles and tears in the bag, then shoved it in his mouth, chewing it still thinking, and spat it out.

Odd thing is, the bag looked like he never touched it to begin with.

" There alive." He declared many, many sentence of no one talking because the writer didn't come with some lines for them. " Lets go." He got up and once again he ran, Trisha on her rascal speed past, and just as Legolust was about to follow, Gimli just hurled himself off the ledge and landing behind him with a wet, SPLAT.

" Come, Gimli!" He said, running ahead. As Gimli started to cry, Zack just dragged himself, from god knows where, into the scene that will be over soon.

MEANWHILE IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION I LOUDLY DELCAREED. For some reason it night time when it was clearly day a second ago. The orcs where panting and wheezing like a bunch of fat people who just on a trip to the bathroom.

" We cant go no farther, we must rest!" One orc yelled, his hand clutching where his heart was supposed be. Silently agreeing, the orcs who where assigned as pack mules, just dropped the three main character, not caring at all one of there skulls was almost impaled by a rock. Cloud didn't mind either.

Meanwhile a orc just pulled out a subway sandwich, taking one bit into the sandwich he spat it out immediately.

" No mayo! This is bullshit!" He yelled chucking the thing away from his sight.

" Who the dickwad that was in charge of the food!" Silently, the rest of the orcs, and for some reason goblins who at some point joined up with them, looked among each other. Until one decided to be a hero and shakily raised his hand.

Almost imbecile everyone started to rip him apart and eat his insides and just tossed them around like a fiesta. While the Orcs are going nuts, Pippen and Merry silently agreed now is about the best time to be crawling away.

The inched their way awkwardly like demented caterpillars towards the dark and scary looking forest. They seemed to only reached half way when Merry looked over his shoulder and stopped.

" Uh, Pippen." He asked. " Where's cloud?" Pippen stopped too and looked at his cousin. They both exchanged confused stares before looking back at the fiesta. Just in time to see cloud, still tied up, jump in the air like he was on the freaking moon, shouting,

" ARIBA!" Before landing dead center of the fiesta, disappearing from view.

So, that's it for now.

What you think? Sucks? It's okay? Please leave a review that wont make cloud cry in the emo corner. He just finally came out.

Belive me when I say I have no idea what we were thinking during this whole process of creating THIS.

Oh, right! Know I remember! We went…


End file.
